7 O'Clock 1/2/14

When 7 o’clock comes,

And you can’t make the call,

When you try to go on,

But feel lost in it all.

Where everything changes,

In the blink of an eye,

Where you can’t find your place,

No matter how hard you try.

How do you keep moving,

When you've lost your stride,

How do you face every day,

Knowing something has died?

Why can’t it be simple?

Why can’t you ever feel whole?

Why is the pain never-ending,

That you feel in the depth of your soul?

TLA

The Appendix

All the garbage words

Came raging down

In fever and storm

Dreams of never never

And late night marble floor near death

Scramblings to keep my post

Christmas morning gleeful cries

Saved a few hours in the air

Green she male scoldings

All that is mean in the world

In my belly growing growing

Bewilderment and ice

To travel home and check my life

More lights and presents

And asking when it's okay

To count my own life dear

And give up my fight to skilled hands

Finally, I marched in

They said I could have died

Not the first time I've heard such 

The realization of my own worth

Burns like time

Watching a Falcon on the fence 

Near my window

Babies crying in the stars

Raise more questions 

As all left unanswered

Cowers and dies

Fresh start starts tonight

Goodbye goodbye

Appendix of my soul's story.

Tears 12/17/13

Tears streaming down your face,

And you don’t know what to do,

When no one ever listens,

Or ever knows the real you.

Feeling trapped inside yourself,

Because no one wants to hear,

The things inside that make you, you,

The hopes, the dreams, the fear.

So you put a smile on your face,

And pretend it’s all alright,

To just get through another day,

To face the lonely night.

12/17/13 TLA

Sleeping in December Would Be Good...

Dear Insomnia,

What is it about December

That causes me to remember

All those reasons I can't sleep

Only secrets sleepless nights do keep

All that runs through my head

All this holiday I do dread

Reminding me I've so much to do

Only this hard month to get through

Presents to wrap and unwrap

Snow and commercials and all that crap

Family all nestled in our bed

While wild monkeys dance in my head

I can't tell you exactly what it is

Only that it's hard, this Christmas biz

And it's only the 5th or so

With so many days left to go

It's supposed to be all about cheer

But it gets more commercial every damn year

A few more weeks and I'll be free

Sand, surf, and lovely palm trees

To all the other sleepless fools

Writing poetry to save their souls:

I wish you love may you indeed be merry!

Hugs, 

The Insomniac Christmas Fairy

Never Again 11/17/13

Never again,

Will I be defeated,

Never again,

Will I be mistreated.

Never again,

Will I feel the shame,

Never again,

Will I be the same.

Never again,

Will I take an excuse,

Never again,

Will I take your abuse.

Never again,

Will I ever believe,

Never again,

Will I be that naïve.

Never again,

Will I have to run,

Never again,

Because I am done.

11/17/13 TLA

Never, Never 11/15/13

I thought I was lost forever,

In your land of never, never.

Where all there ever were were lies,

And never any compromise.

Where I was under your control,

And never able to feel whole.

Where life became nothing but despair,

And never coming up for air.

Where myself was sunk so deep,

And the way back was oh, so steep.

But then I knew I must escape,

From this hell that had taken shape.

Before I lost all that was me,

I found my wings and set myself free.

And though you try to keep control,

I took it away to make myself whole.

Now you have been banished forever,

In your land of never, never.

11/15/13              TLA

The Smell of You 11-12-13

Driving around with you on my mind,

Smelling the cologne that you left behind,

Alone with thoughts that are always confined,

Always afraid of words that are unkind.

Wanting to say the words that I feel,

But fear of rejection won’t let me reveal,

These feelings I’m feeling that I must conceal,

Keep them hidden behind a will made of steel.

Always wishing that I wasn't me,

Tired of being the one that nobody sees,

Oh, can’t somebody please hear my plea,

I just want to be more than just what you see.

But I keep it inside and that’s where it will stay,

And I’ll feel these feelings day after day,

But you’ll never know because I'll never say,

And the smell of you will just fade away.

11/12/13 TLA