Chasing the Shadow 2/24/14

I chased after that shadow,

For way too many years,

With nothing left to show for it,

Except years of heartache and of tears.

So many times I tried to let go,

Even succeeded a time or two,

Until the dreams would bring it back,

And haunt my days anew.

But I knew I had to do away,

With all the false hopes and dreams,

Because in the place where shadows dwell,

Nothing is ever as it seems.

So I put it away, though it took too long,

I should have done it years ago,

Now the shadow is finally laid to rest,

I finally let it go.

TLA 2/24/14

5 Weeks Ago Today

Celebrating every minute of every day. 5 weeks ago, I was lucky! Appendix ruptured, and peritonitis was setting in but I escaped death just in time. Gratitude hits me in waves;)

***********

No you just don't get me

Now your dark energy sets me free, even though you didn't mean it to be.

This time I let it ride, oh all the lines and lies

And lived in spite

Lies always killin me

But this time I know I'll live to see

The northern lights shining bright, on the end of the Earth.

More sunny days and party nights. 

All I am and can be again

You didn't kill you didn't win

I pushed the dark into the light

I sold your lies to buy my life

I'm well and good as I'll ever be

The toxic mass, absorbed your hate. I turned from anger to change my fate.

Dancing free, I finally found me. 

More Appendectomy Thoughts

One morning after a laparoscopic appendectomy, I awakened with the profound realization that my own existence does indeed have validity.  Upon that realization, I vowed to never again question my place in this world. Whether or not people like me-doesn't matter. Whether or not people outside of my beautiful family understand me-can no longer injure my feelings. Fear of being misunderstood and subsequently judged poorly, is as useful as my harvested appendix. I'm free to be myself-free to explore my own story as a writer; to celebrate that freaky story with love and pride. I own this. What a great gift for the new year. 

7 O'Clock 1/2/14

When 7 o’clock comes,

And you can’t make the call,

When you try to go on,

But feel lost in it all.

Where everything changes,

In the blink of an eye,

Where you can’t find your place,

No matter how hard you try.

How do you keep moving,

When you've lost your stride,

How do you face every day,

Knowing something has died?

Why can’t it be simple?

Why can’t you ever feel whole?

Why is the pain never-ending,

That you feel in the depth of your soul?

TLA

The Appendix

All the garbage words

Came raging down

In fever and storm

Dreams of never never

And late night marble floor near death

Scramblings to keep my post

Christmas morning gleeful cries

Saved a few hours in the air

Green she male scoldings

All that is mean in the world

In my belly growing growing

Bewilderment and ice

To travel home and check my life

More lights and presents

And asking when it's okay

To count my own life dear

And give up my fight to skilled hands

Finally, I marched in

They said I could have died

Not the first time I've heard such 

The realization of my own worth

Burns like time

Watching a Falcon on the fence 

Near my window

Babies crying in the stars

Raise more questions 

As all left unanswered

Cowers and dies

Fresh start starts tonight

Goodbye goodbye

Appendix of my soul's story.

Tears 12/17/13

Tears streaming down your face,

And you don’t know what to do,

When no one ever listens,

Or ever knows the real you.

Feeling trapped inside yourself,

Because no one wants to hear,

The things inside that make you, you,

The hopes, the dreams, the fear.

So you put a smile on your face,

And pretend it’s all alright,

To just get through another day,

To face the lonely night.

12/17/13 TLA

Sleeping in December Would Be Good...

Dear Insomnia,

What is it about December

That causes me to remember

All those reasons I can't sleep

Only secrets sleepless nights do keep

All that runs through my head

All this holiday I do dread

Reminding me I've so much to do

Only this hard month to get through

Presents to wrap and unwrap

Snow and commercials and all that crap

Family all nestled in our bed

While wild monkeys dance in my head

I can't tell you exactly what it is

Only that it's hard, this Christmas biz

And it's only the 5th or so

With so many days left to go

It's supposed to be all about cheer

But it gets more commercial every damn year

A few more weeks and I'll be free

Sand, surf, and lovely palm trees

To all the other sleepless fools

Writing poetry to save their souls:

I wish you love may you indeed be merry!

Hugs, 

The Insomniac Christmas Fairy